Posts tagged ‘Christianity’

My Path of Late

Namaste and Xαίρε!

My path of late has led me back to esoteric Christianity, but I wanted to post here because I wanted to point something out, and I think everyone exploring some derivative of Gardnerian Wicca should take note.

Don’t just leave it at Gardner.  Read up on Hermes Trismegistos.  Read up on the Rosicrucians, the Golden Dawn, OTO, and Qabbalah.  You’ll see that so much of Gardner is really derived from Judeo-Christian and Hermetic sources.  Don’t be afraid of where the path takes you; always approach it with a pure intent of knowing and understanding and never with the intent of self-aggrandizement.  

Also, read some of the darker material, but be advised that what I have seen of those who use it as their primary source material has not been pretty.  Those who invoke demons seem to weaken themselves internally, from what I’ve seen.  Incidentally, if faced by a demon that someone else summoned, do not show it fear and remember that a lesser demon will often impersonate a more powerful one to awe you.  Please, do NOT ask how I came by this knowledge.

At any rate, my readings in the esoteric have taken me in a direction more parallel to Rosicrucianism or even Catharism of late, and I have become deeply interested in the Nag Hammadi codices in particular as fragments of an authentic Gnostic past before Christianity was Romanized into a state cult by the Emperor Constantine (you know, the ugly bastard who had a colossal statue of himself built inside a church).  

I don’t much care for Nicene Christianity, as I call it, because it’s politicized and sanitized for mass consumption and serves as a legitimating myth for our increasingly irrelevant, thoroughly-Romanized meritocratic power structure.  I had looked into Gnostic Christianity years ago when the problems of Western political power became painfully obvious to me, but only briefly and I never gave it a fair chance in hindsight.  I am now though, and there is so much here to explore.

Also, in my journey I have learned more names for myself other than Three or “The One Called Three.”  I have also been called “Algiz” by a friend who has taken an interest in my esoteric ideas, and a few other names have surfaced of late.  I keep a secret to me the name that was revealed as I read of the old Celtic ways.  Also, my journey has included a gender transition in which I inadvertently gave myself a name with Gnostic connotations, which in turn brought other names to light which I discovered by way of the Zohar.

I’m not asking anyone to convert to esoteric Christianity or Jewish Mysticism, as I’m still not totally sold on it myself.  I sense that this is just one stop of many along a path to greater understanding (much like my foray into Buddhism).  That being said, I hope that all young Pagans who are just starting out read this and take note: sometimes a spiritual journey will take you far afield from where you started.  Don’t fight it.  Follow the pure white light of Dharma wherever it leads and be blessed in all you do.  If fate finds me here again, then good; if not, my other blog at http://severedejavu.blogspot.com is updated regularly and includes the most regular updates on my current spiritual journey.  

Some words with my mother

I finally found out that my mother knows about my faith, although I think she has misgivings.

I got the usual warnings that she was not thrilled about it, and that I should be careful about spirits “apart from God.” There was a veiled reference in her words to the “creator/creation” dichotomy (which I have roundly rejected), and she strongly hinted that she thought being gay was the reason I left the church.

But being gay was the last thing on my mind when I left the church. I had much deeper questions- not about myself, but about the nature of faith, of God, and of the Holy Writ that dwarfed any personal matter. Many of those questions are hard to articulate and I’m still trying my best to put them into words.

I also got the distinct feeling that she thought my vast swings in mood and my tendency to swing to extreme viewpoints were because of not being a Christian, and not in spite of trying to move on from those things.

I was an angry extremist so much of my life, but there’s really no room for that in the path I have chosen. What, after all, would I be an extremist for? If all things are united, if all life, all spirits, all deities are only nodes on a continuum of consciousness, what room is there for talk of extremes?

I am not perfect and the Way of the Witch will never make me that way. That insidious drive to split the world into “my way” and “their way” will be present no matter what I believe. But, I feel, I’m better off on a path that gives it little room to prosper.

And so I vascillate from time to time, I stray from what I truly believe in for an arrogant streak that I forever have to reckon with. But that is not because I walk this path; it is despite that fact.